Jokes

Discussion in 'Unrelated Discussion' started by spazzdla, October 18, 2013.

  1. arthursalim

    arthursalim Active Member

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    Rambo: The Video Game
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  2. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    [​IMG]
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  3. patema

    patema Active Member

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  4. tehtrekd

    tehtrekd Post Master General

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    What do you call a metroid when it's not a metroid? It's afoot.
    God I hope someone gets that.
    Apart from that, though the only actual jokes I have that I can type out on mobile without angrily cursing god are extremely offensive and/or dirty, and I'm not sure if I can share without having my post being deleted.
    Tomorrow I will probably tell one if I can remember it.
  5. phantomtom

    phantomtom Active Member

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    2 cow`s sitting in a tree, bbqing meatballso_O
    IT BEGINS TO RAIN :eek:
    No worries said the oldest cow, i have an uncle in america:cool:
  6. mkrater

    mkrater Uber Alumni

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    Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?

    If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
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  7. phantomtom

    phantomtom Active Member

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    In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.


    As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

    Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

    Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenage son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

    Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.

    The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

    Probably wasn’t the same elephant.
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  8. stonewood1612

    stonewood1612 Well-Known Member

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    "Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana."

    - anonymous laboratory humor
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  9. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    Want a joke? Here's a joke:
    Quantum theory, the most successful scientific theory ever.
    Relativity, the second most successful scientific theory ever.

    They contradict each other!

    *Badum Tsh!*
  10. arthursalim

    arthursalim Active Member

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    [​IMG]
    That's soo hard to understand
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  11. tehtrekd

    tehtrekd Post Master General

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    This isn't really a joke, but something that happened in Quebec last year that I consider a joke because of how incredibly stupid it was.
    Ready for this?
    Because you're not going to believe it!

    The French separatists that were in government at the time tried to ban the use of the word "Pasta" in Italian restaurants.
    Why? Because a separatist got offended by the word and notified the language police (Yes, we have language police, that's another joke in our system.) and it turned into this 4 month long court case where half of Quebec went against an Italian restaurant for using the word pasta.
    And you know what happened when it failed?
    We tried to ban the use of the English language in predominantly French work environments.

    This province, I tell you.
    One day I'm going to just make a separate thread titled "Adventure Time With Quebec and the Crazies"
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  12. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    Australia didn't have an R18+ rating for games until 2013.

    Saw movies? Sure! No problem!
    What's this? L4D2? Killing zombies? Decapitations? Bloody screen? NO!!! BAD!!! CENSOR!!! CENSOR!!
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  13. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    I don't want to double post and necro, but this is gold:

    Why did the pope denounce mathematics?

    Because trigonometry is a sin(.
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  14. mkrater

    mkrater Uber Alumni

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    No worries Geers! This thread was meant to be resurrected! :D

    Why is it dangerous to do math in the jungle?

    If you add 4 and 4, you get 8!
  15. garat

    garat Cat Herder Uber Alumni

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    Why was Yoda afraid of Seven?

    Because Six Seven Eight.

    Get it, you will.
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  16. kvalheim

    kvalheim Post Master General

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    two dads tell their adopted son that he is adopted

    he looks at them and bursts into tears

    "i thought you were my fathers … but you were just faux pas"
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  17. cwarner7264

    cwarner7264 Moderator Alumni

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    Q: Which vegetables are the most dangerous to have on a ship?

    A: Leeks.

    EDIT: I have many, many nautical jokes at my disposal.
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  18. mkrater

    mkrater Uber Alumni

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    Hehehe, it's even better when you say this one out loud :p
  19. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    I got this.

    What do you do with a sick boat?
    Take it to a doc(k)!

    What do boats call desirable parts?
    A mast-have!

    How do boats say goodbye?
    "I'll sea you later"!
  20. cwarner7264

    cwarner7264 Moderator Alumni

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    John decides he wants to re-paint his yacht, but isn't sure how much paint he'll need to cover the entire hull. He calls up his friend Richard, who he knows has a similar-sized boat of his own, and asks him how many tins of paint he bought when he last painted his.

    'Six', Richard replied.

    So John orders six tins of paint and the next day sets about painting his boat. On finishing the job, he notices he still has two tins of paint left over, so he calls Richard again.

    "I bought six tins of paint," He told Richard "but I seem to have two tins left over!"

    "Yes," said Richard, "So did I."
    Those are all terrible :p

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