Jokes

What's the noisiest sport?

Tennis - you can't play unless you're raising a racquet!

What do nuclear physicists have for lunch?
Fission chips.

Where does the snowman keep his money?

In the snowbank.

Did you hear about that gang of mean pancakes? They like to flip people off.

Q: how many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: none, that's a hardware problem

Lol this thread is great.

That's a terrible joke.

Ok, how do you make a Kleenex dance?


You put a little boogie in it.

Pfffft.

There are ten types of people in the world; those who understand binary, and those who don't.

That joke only really works if you write "10", rather than "ten".

At least it works.

OH SNAP.

But this is already the 10nd time it is posted here.

Shhhhhh.

LOL, win.

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple

How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?

When it's full!

How do you know when the moon is getting a makeover?

When it's waxing!

Apparently this is a classic, but I just heard it yesterday.


The Internal Revenue Service decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to an appointment with the toughest auditor in the office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "OK. Go ahead."
Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.
The auditor's jaw drops.

Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

"Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

"Are you upset at losing the case?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me $20,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk -- and that you'd be happy about it!"

I'm going to try that one day.

How did the bee try to hide his male pattern baldness?

With a honeycomb over