Jokes

Discussion in 'Unrelated Discussion' started by spazzdla, October 18, 2013.

  1. spazzdla

    spazzdla Active Member

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    Noticing a mistake in St. Peter's roster, God calls Satan; "It seems you accidentally received some of my professionals down there: a teacher, a doctor and a farmer."

    "Yeah," Satan replies. "All the more for me!"

    God replies, "You better send them up here immediately."

    Satan says, "No way. I'm keeping them."

    God says, "Send them up here, or I'll sue the horns right off you."

    Satan laughs uproariously, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"
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  2. mkrater

    mkrater Uber Alumni

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    How do you organize a Space Party??

    You Planet!
    space party.JPG
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  3. chronosoul

    chronosoul Well-Known Member

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    I didn't notice at first but I feel bad for little pluto. You're still a planet to me!
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  4. arseface

    arseface Post Master General

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    An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar.

    The first orders a pint, the second orders half a pint, the third orders a quarter of a pint.

    The bartender rolls his eyes and pours two pints before the fourth can order.
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  5. lokiCML

    lokiCML Post Master General

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    ***warning dirty joke***

    A white horse fell into a mud puddle.
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  6. chronosoul

    chronosoul Well-Known Member

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    Extra dirty

    Want to hear a dirty joke?
    Billy plays in the mud.

    Want to hear a clean joke?
    Billy plays with bubbles in the tub.

    Want to hear another dirty joke?
    Bubbles is the girl next door.
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  7. garat

    garat Cat Herder Uber Alumni

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    Wait, I thought this was a no limits bar!
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  8. hostileparadox

    hostileparadox Well-Known Member

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    I had to read the explanation to figure it out.
    Wouldn't it as some point exceed two pints? Or will it never reach 2?
    Wouldn't the formula break when it reaches atomic/subatomic/quark levels with a physical object like beer?

    [​IMG]
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  9. spazzdla

    spazzdla Active Member

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    Why don't blind people go skydiving?

    Because it scares the bejesus out of the dogs!
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  10. JammySTB

    JammySTB Well-Known Member

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    It will reach 2 at infinity.
  11. garat

    garat Cat Herder Uber Alumni

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    What Jammy said.. The point of a limit is that it never reaches, in this case 2, unless you assume an infinite number of calculations. Even infinity - 1 and you end up with the teeniest tiniest fraction under 2. And we're talking math, not physics, so quantum physics don't really enter into it. :)
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  12. goodbean

    goodbean Well-Known Member

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    This was given to me last night. Kinda disappointed that I didn't get this one from scathis a long time ago.

    [​IMG]
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  13. JammySTB

    JammySTB Well-Known Member

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    My paper aeroplane won't fly. It's completely stationery.
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  14. lapsedpacifist

    lapsedpacifist Post Master General

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    What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?
    He was booked for a salt and battery.

    Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says "I'll have an H2O". The second says "I'll have an H2O too"... And he died.

    I apologise for making so many bad chemistry jokes... But all the good ones argon!

    Addition: I don't want to boron, but I remembered another good one:

    What do you do with a sick chemist?
    If you can't curium and you can't helium, you might as well barium!
    Last edited: December 3, 2013
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  15. spazzdla

    spazzdla Active Member

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    I forgot how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.
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  16. mkrater

    mkrater Uber Alumni

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    What do you get when you run behind a car?

    Exhausted
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  17. mkrater

    mkrater Uber Alumni

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    What's the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?


    A jailer watches cells while a jeweler sells watches
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  18. DeadStretch

    DeadStretch Post Master General

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    What does an annoying pepper do?

    It get’s jalapeño face!
  19. DeadStretch

    DeadStretch Post Master General

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    I’d like to give a big shout out to all the sidewalks for keeping me off the streets.
    ;)
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  20. mkrater

    mkrater Uber Alumni

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    Tru Dat!! I freakin love sidewalks! If it weren't for them, I'd be out on the streets every day
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