So, a baby seal walks into a club... _______________________________________ What's the difference between pop corn and pea soup? Anyone can pop corn... _______________________________________ A pedophile, a rapist, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a drink... _______________________________________ So, a woman polishes things around the house while her husband is out in town. A genie pops out and says "you get 3 wishes but anything you wish for is granted tenfold for your husband." The woman wishes for beauty, knowing she would be the most beautiful woman in the world so her handsome husband would have no close competition to choose. The woman wishes for wealth, knowing her husband's wealth x10 is legally half hers. The woman then wishes for a mild heart attack, knowing her husband would have 10 mild heart attacks at once which would be fatal together. What actually happens, is the woman has one and dies of complications, while the man has one 10x milder than hers...
Ah geology. The only field where the researchers take their work for granite! It still drives me absolutely crazy that this post says "and 19 others". IT'S NOT A NICE ROUND NUMBER LIKE 20! IT'S ALMOST TWENTY BUT ISN'T. OH GOD WHY. Not really a joke but I'm sure you people can derive some crude amusement from my OCD. YAY.
It's Friday and Fridays should be fun, awesome days! Why couldn't the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck! Which hand is it better to write with? Neither, it's best to write with a pen! What is it that even the most careful person overlooks? Their nose!
Monday - ohgodwhykillme Tuesday - Ohgodstillanotherfourdays! Wednesday - it'sonlyhalfover! Thursday - NotFriday Friday - Justafewmorehours... Saturday - FRRRRREEEEEEEEDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!! Sunday - Ohgodtomorrow'sMonday!
Why is poop called "poop"? Because the motion your mouth makes to say it, is the same motion your butt makes to do it. Think about THAT...
Anyone heard of the guy who confused Gamma Ray Burst Progenitors as sentient plasma clouds? https://forums.uberent.com/threads/centralised-machine-consciousness.62650/
What would Earth be like with multiple moons? Tidy. Geddit? Cos we'd have more tides? ...I'll go now.
Classic: What's the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish!
