Join any Crossfire match you can. Once in, select the default Assassin class. Do not upgrade your skills. Do not push bots. Spend the entire game building level 1 lazer blazers on every nub. Eventually someone will message you. If the message is one of rage, shut your eyes and pray for a swift end, for Mickey Cantor knows where you live. If the message simply asks you why you did what you did, respond clearly and calmly with a voice message: "I wish to see the Holder of Bacon." You will be invited into a party and game. Accept this quickly, for the Holder has little patience. You will find yourself in a game of Super Sudden Death Blitz. The Holder will be using the exploit to hide his gamertag--do not look it up, for a horror too unspeakable for any human mind no matter how feeble or strong will devour your sanity if you let curiousity get the better of you. Two others with blank tags will be there too, sitting in the spawn and TikiTaunting relentlessly. With a full game, and you the only one playing, you must make it past round 3000. Stay your play for nothing: let no hunger thirst or bodily need distract you from this mission, for if you should fail then you will be cursed to dance around as Bullseye for all eternity while Assaults fill you with shells for cheap cash. Once you make it past round 3000 Bullseye will charge onto the field, and jump off the edge of the map. Follow him. You will fall through the rendered graphics and into a dark void where the slightest mis-step will send you to your doom. Whatever you do, do not look behind you, simply follow Bullseye as he dances through the Abyss: should you falter, the Assassins will chaingrapple you and your 360 will RROD. You will stalk Bullseye for what feels like an eternity then finally Bacon will drop.
Do not pick this bacon up yet. Watch your screen carefully: should the TikiTaunters quit, pick the Bacon up and the Holder of Bacon will quit next. Should the Holder quit first, pick the Bacon up; but know this: You are now the Holder of Bacon and will be forced to sit in the spawn listening to TikiTaunters until someone worthy to claim your Object completes the trials. Should you pick up the Bacon without the Holder's burden; congratulations Seeker for this Bacon will stay with you no matter what you do. . . this bacon is Object 520 of 538; and its sizzling shall make the way clear on your journey to bring about the end.
Re: The Holder of Bacon part 1 Sorry, I have seen too many Assassins doing exactly that to be amused... :x
For those of you going "WTF" more than others, this is an affectionate parody of the many stories on http://www.theholders.org/
