Rock on the Range

Discussion in 'Unrelated Discussion' started by Reanimated Ace, May 17, 2011.

  1. Reanimated Ace

    Reanimated Ace New Member

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    So, t-minus...until Friday for the anniversary party up here in Columbus for Rock on the Range. Got tickets to the best music event in the world, and it's going to be great this year. Anybody else making the long or short journey up here for some great rock music? All weekend event, and it's going to be a blast.
  2. JON10395

    JON10395 New Member

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    The following post is true to the letter:

    So last Memorial day, I was at the bar having a few drinks. It was about 10 PM when I went outside to have a cigarette. I'm outside smoking when this guy walks up to me and starts talking about how he grew up in town but has moved on to bigger things. You see, I live in a very small town (population 5000 +/-), and most people who live here stay here their entire lives.

    I went on to talk with him about the "bigger things" in his life. He let me know that he was Mark Malkovich II, the director of the Newport Music Festival. Apparently, this festival is an annual event that takes place in Rhode Island. He told me that people traveled from all over the world to attend, especially foreign dignitaries. The whole time this gentleman is telling me this, I'm listening intently and nodding along.

    After about ten minutes of discussing the ins and outs of his responsibilities, he tells me something that draws my attention closer. He told me that every year, foreign women come to this event and while they are there, they talk to him about who is and isn't available on his staff. He lets them know who to approach, when and how much it will cost. Okay so now he's really got my attention (I'm already 12 beers into my evening), and he asks me if that is something I would be interested in, you know, being "available" for these rich women. My drunken self responded with something along the lines of "HELL YEAH!" After seeing my enthusiasm, he responds with "Great! I'll just have to check you out first and make sure you're okay for the types of women that attend. I'm staying at the hotel at the end of the road"

    WHHHAAAAATTT???!!

    So, I find myself instantly back inside the bar, in shock that some 75 year old man just asked to see my ****. The bartender called the police to make sure he wasn't some sort of sex offender on the loose, but by the time they got there, he was gone.

    I went home that night and told my brother, TOM the next morning. We all had a great laugh about it, but I still had a bit of a complex about it. Anyway, the day after that, I was outside mowing the lawn when I notice out of the corner of my eye the front door flying open and TOM jumping off the front stairs telling me to "TURN OFF THE LAWNMOWER!". He signals me inside where he shows me breaking news of a man rolling his car several times after losing control at a high rate of speed and dying. I watched the video and read the captions, and it turns out, it was the same f***ing guy!!!!

    He F***IN' DIED!!!!




    So, no. I will not be attending your stupid music festival.
  3. x Zatchmo

    x Zatchmo New Member

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    That was awesome.
  4. Rev Rabies

    Rev Rabies New Member

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    ending my anti-uber streak to tell you jon that that was my grandfather, and you're a jerk for not showing him the goods
  5. TOM12121112

    TOM12121112 New Member

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  6. Reanimated Ace

    Reanimated Ace New Member

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    That is what I call a sign. A sign not to ask another man to see his ****.

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