MNC: Write the Uwe Boll screenplay!

Yeah. Cast and such too, why not? I'll pretend that the movie also gets a big enough budget to hire decent actors. Remember: the point is to make it as stupid and far-removed from the game as possible with hints that there was once a valid excuse plot for a story instead of...Uwe Boll. Or whatever. Doesn't even have to be Uwe Boll, just use your imagination. My version of the nightmare's characters...


Assault(Mickey Rourke): Ex-high school football star forced to participate in the deadly sport when his family is kidnapped and he's blackmailed, the Assault more often than not beats his opposition to death with his bare hands and blind rage. But will his rage save his family?

Tank(Michael Clarke Duncan): Veteran player, plays for the money. The Tank is the Hotshots team's star player, if not for the fact that any opposing player he meets is usually immolated brutally then for the fact that he's managed to survive numerous games without losing so much as an arm. He takes his role as the team's voice of reason and strategizer very seriously, his allies tend to follow his orders...or die. What happens when his world is turned upside-down and he's no longer the center of attention?

Support(Angelina Jolie): After a string of losses, the Support is just about ready to give up on ever earning enough prize money to afford the life-saving brain transplant for her ailing mother, stricken with brain cancer. Will she find new hope? Who's she going to hook up with?

Assassin(Aasif Mandvi): Whenever he isn't neatly slicing an enemy in half, the Assassin is always always boasting about how awesome and badass he is. His teammates hate him because of his self-serving attitude, but they tolerate his presence since he gets the job done. But what happens when he crosses the line?

Gunner(Will Ferrell): More often than not covered in the blood of his enemies, but always cracking horrendous excuses for jokes and firing off more puns than his quadruple gatling laser can fire shots, the Gunner frightens his teammates. How is his attachment to reality? How many minutes can he show his naked *** on camera without causing sickness for the entirety of the audience? Most importantly, what will be the excuse for Will Ferrell to appear nude on camera this time?

Sniper(Jason Statham): After repeated deaths due to assassins, the Hotshots have tried something new with their sniper; a clone made from the DNA of the most badass snipers in history. Unfortunately, these clones appear to be a little bit on the crazy side...

Pitgirl(Katherine Heigl): She has three seconds of screentime in the halftime show and is never seen or mentioned otherwise.

Bullseye(Jack Black): Odd mascot, or a sinister conspirator?!?

Mickey Cantor(Morgan Freeman): Because a video game movie doesn't need to make any sense.

"You either get busy upgrading your skills, or you get busy dieing.'

Hiyo.

Hiyo....."

From a straight character standpoint, I always thought Tom Arnold would make a great Mickey Cantor.

:lol:

Yeah, I could see that. (hear)

Assault = Terry Crews - Versatile guy that can do both action and comedy.
Support = Ron Jeremy. He's always bursting full of juices.
Assassin = Kristen Bell. Can't ever show her face though as she's supposed to be ugly.
Gunner = The Rock - He's Samoan, so keeps some of the Tiki-style of the Gunner.
Sniper = Rob Corddry - King of smart *** comments.
Tank = Kimbo Slice - The beard.

Jack Black as Bullseye would be good. For Cantor, I'd take Jimmy Fallon. He was a pretty good announcer in the roller derby movie Whip It (I was forced to watch this.) And Minka Kelly for Pitgirl.

if Uwe Boll was directing it?

Just steal the plot of Rollerball(2002) and add the assassin as the main character's love interest.

Bam, instant box office bomb that is sure to make even the most die-hard fan of the game cringe, per usual Uwe Boll caliber.

Ever watch "Rampage" by Uwe Boll. It wasn't absolutely terrible. I enjoyed the movie besides the fact he killed everyone mercilessly except for the bingo hall, lol they didn't need his help. I like to watch Uwe Boll films, never know what your gonna get.

I always know what to expect while watching an uwe boll movie.


A refund 8)

"hi, i'm morgan freeman, the icemen got the anhilator, haiyo bacon"

imagine that, in monotone

Omigawsh this is hilarious xD

Honestly I think the movie would be hilarious if it was done like a bad chinese movie with random flying and slow-mo acrobatics. Michelle Yeoh would be the Assassin of course or maybe Zhang Ziyi since she's younger. Tyrone Gibson as the Assault. Sharlto Copley as the Sniper since I think he could pull off crazy greaaaat. Eliza Dushku as Pitgirl, I can easily imagine her as a sassy mechanic. I agree Ron Jeremy should be Support xD Tank and Gunner and Cantor I'm still thinking on xD Although maybe Gerard Butler as either Tank or Gunner would be good xD (Morgen Freeman would be hilarious as Cantor xD)

The movie would have the tagline: Bred for the game and the fame, but how many games will they play before they're obsolete?

It would have the premise of Rollerball (the original cuz I heard the remake was different) and Blade Runner and Gamer and Logan's Run. The clones have a small time to live and the Assault is approaching his 3 year mark and he's going to be "re-newed" by a new clone but instead he fights the establishment and wants to live free, outside of the chains of the game! And he wants to bring his team away from the game as well. However the Sniper is insane and betrays him and the Assassin or Pit Girl becomes the Assault's love interest, not sure which. But of course Pit Girl will have an in with the corporate world in some sense. She might be clones but she's bad but switches sides at the last minute and becomes a good guy. Assassin will sacrifice her life at some point. Oh and Bullseye is actually just a but of robot androids that are used to be on the field and spy on players in person. Each time he's hit by a player, a chip in the pro's brain activates that makes the play harder and meaner. And I'm running out of ideas. Does this sound like an awful movie yet? .... I think the movie should have Michael Bay 'splosions as well with a dash of cheesy Titanic like moments xD Oh and the soundtrack need to seriously suck as well xD

My brain is fried xDDD Not gonna proofread but I bet this sounds dumb so far xD

Id watch it! Bad movies are hilarious sometimes. :lol:

But they can be vomit inducing too.... :roll:

I love bad movies xD They're good for one showing while completely tiffed xD Oh gosh I still remember Zombies Gone Wild I think I had laughed so hard at that movie I was probably blue from lack of air xD Plus my DOG hated it so much he would not stop barking at the screen, especially when something extra dumb was going on xD

I want to write MNC fanfiction for some reason now xD

I was wanting the worst possible actors for every role :twisted:

Mickey Rourke(Assault): Because so many producers in Hollywood think casting a white guy as the main character means it's going to automatically be more profitable and well...Mickey Rourke. Not exactly impressive.

Michael Clarke Duncan(Tank): Another random race lift. It'd also be even better if he delivered the best performance of the movie.

Angelina Jolie(Support): Fish out of water. The sex change for the character and the choice in actress doesn't make a damn bit of sense. And that's why it would be done.

Aasif Mandvi(Assassin): If you've watched the Daily Show or seen one of Mandvi's few other roles that anyone would've actually seen, you'd know he's actually pretty good at overacting.

Will Ferrell(Gunner): Because if there's a character we're supposed to hate for the sake of hating it, it's got be played by Will Ferrell.

Jason Statham(Sniper): In hindsight, the idea doesn't sound bad enough.

Katherine Heigl(Pitgirl): Because she can't act and having her play a very unimportant character with only a brief amount of screentime would be pretty awesome.

Jack Black(Bullseye): Because we all know Bullseye is the evil conspirator and it's about damn time Jack Black plays a villain. So sick of him playing himself.

This, exactly. Every damn movie or television program out there instantly receives ten times better review if he narrates it, so naturally trying to cash in on his name makes a lot of sense. It'd be doubly better because it would be so ridiculously out of place.

Terry Crew cracks me up soo much. Him as an assault in an MNC movie would be funny.

I wouldn't want Terry Crews to be in a video game because he's actually a GOOD actor that can act both subtly and bluntly. Come to think of it, that's pretty damn impressive. Former pro football player and good actor...Does he have a PhD in theoretical physics too? Genius bruiser? I'm envious :|