When I try to join a game with a human or ai by choosing the rectangle it just sits there and doesn't put my name in the box for like 5 mins. It also happens with the colors when I try to change them it just says on the same color.
If you look in the upper right corner, there is a glowing light. Red means nothing is happening (or error?) yellow means the map is loading in the background (you are getting mega lag during this period. dont even try doing anything) And green means your map is loaded. It is usually a good idea to let a minute or so pass after the last person has clicked ready to let their game load, so you dont have that awkward moment of one person DCing or just dropping out of frustration.
I'm not talking about the system generation. When I click the box to join the game it doesn't add me in, it laggs
It lags for me too, I believe that it is because you are downloading so much data on the unoptimized network. I've noticed when the planet is done (or if it is a small planet, not a whole system) that it seems to mostly disappear.
It is lagging BECAUSE the game is loading in the background. Being they moved the loading from after everyone hits ready to the actual lobby, there is a HUGE drop in performance during those areas, sometimes stopping completely and crashing. Untill they smooth out this feature the only thing you can do is be patient. Again this happens in almost every game I play.