A monolouge of thoughts.

I'll try and make this as discussion(able) as possible but I'm not making promises.

From F to E. Full to Empty. Have you ever felt drained? Not literally though, just mentally tired? Seems like no matter what you do you can't really shake a feeling of apathy? Well then... (because I know someone will ask for it, people are just like that)

tl;dr What do you do to get rid of that feeling? Of being bored?

I can't really do anything anymore without feeling generally down or lost in some sort of 'passenger seat' feeling. Almost like I'm watching myself do something, rather than actually being there doing it. I felt like that for about 2 weeks now and even after coming to realize that, it didn't stop. I almost feel like I could throw popcorn kernels at myself for some of the stupid mistakes I make, kinda like that one guy everyone sees at the movie theater, except I really don't how I got there or where I parked my car.

I can't play games anymore, not because I'm not satisfied with how I'm doing, I just don't know what I'm doing. I'll boot up MNC and by the time the title comes up, I'll wonder why I turned it on in the first place and from there I can: trudge through a few games where I die constantly trying to have some sort of fun, or do something else. I don't want to feel that way towards games, that's something I always found enjoyment in. I have a lot of fond memories as a kid playing games, sitting up for hours, being late for school, imagining what it was like after the game. Now all I really seem to get from games is slight annoyances, or nothing.

Walking, running, exercising, drawing, writing; pretty much anything you can imagine doesn't really have a thought process to it anymore. Either that or it's hiding in some corner so I can't find it, like an eight year old that doesn't know when the game of 'hide-n-seek is over.' You know what it feels like to mindlessly do something? Sure, sometimes it's relaxing but after a while you wish you could just process something, anything.Hell, I'd settle for being able to carry on a conversation about the weather at this point. Okay, maybe something a little bit less bland than the weather.

Seriously though, how do you fight boredom? I've heard some people keep themselves too busy to be bored; personally, I think that's hilarious if not slightly depressing. I would say I feel depressed but I don't really feel sad, just drained. Maybe that's why I make so many jokes, so I don't feel bored, or at least look bored. Now that is sad, kinda funny though.

Don't really like people that much as of recently either. It's the same old thing, "You're just depressed." or "Have you seen a doctor about it?" or my favorite "You wanna talk about it?" God, do I look stupid to you? I'm sure sometimes I probably look clueless or lost, but I'd appreciate that you don't automatically assume I'm an idiot first. Maybe after we establish a possible solution.

I can't even think straight anymore. I can finish half a thought, than have another thought on what the first meant. I think too deep, and the funny thing is I've learned less because of it. Just lose your mind everyday, would that help? Sure I'd never be able to interpret, but why would I need to? And would I be to think about what already is?

So then, what makes you happy? What makes you feel energized? Why do you wake up in the morning?

How do you fight boredom? I'm clearly losing this 1v1, and I need some tips, badly.

Well that's all I really wanted to say. At least I put this somewhere other than the back of my mind, and whether that will make me a better person, who knows? Whether this gets locked or deleted doesn't really matter, as long I know I said it somewhere.

And heck, maybe someone here will think this is funny, post something funny, and I can laugh at both.


insanity/in'sanite/ : "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Let's boot up MNC again.

This......^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is exactly how i felt except im not dying constantly =P

You sound like you need to socialize more.

Amen.

I can't really tell if that's an insult or advice but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. It's just difficult to manage time now that I'm in college and I've got a million things to do.

I haven't played Xbox games for the past 2 weeks.

I enjoy drawing a lot of things and giving them to my friend's crush.

That's how I kill my boredom.

I meant it in a good way.

I'm a gamer. A hardcore gamer.

When I was in college, I had lived in a single dorm. I took advantage of that. I brought in my 32 inch LCD TV, my xbox 360, my desktop, my laptop, my PSP, and pictures of my dog. Halo 3 came out on the first day school started and Guitar Hero 3 was popular at the time. Everyone was new on the freshmen year and no one knew anyone. It was a great time to get acquainted and make friends.

So what did I do?

I didn't give a **** and I just played video games.

Blasting away in video games and killing hamsters never bought a more relaxing smile on my face than anything else. I was devoted to gaming. College? Yeah, I study here and there. My enthusiasm and love for gaming soon bought the attention of my dorm-mates to come into my room and see what the heck is going on. Soon the entire dorm comes to my room in different times of the day to play Guitar Hero 3 and Halo as everyone sits there and eat snacks/drinks and play games. Although most of the time they spend their time watching me destroy the planet in Halo 3 or TF2 or watch me be asian and rock fake guitar on expert. I should also mention that I leave my room open because people are in my room all day, except when I sleep.

Was it all dudes? No. I got all the girls from the dorm in my room because they're so curious as to where all the boys went or where did that one chick go. Before I know it, I got boys and girls in my room. All races. The Jews. The chinese. The causians. The indians. The irish. The austrilians. No, we didn't have any Africians. We did one had later the year, but his feet smell like corpse and burn our skins like poisonous gas. His name was Jimmy and he was a Chemistry Major. I sure hope he found a way to clean his feet without the usage of bleach or thermite.

During those hardcore years, I woke up at 9 AM and study and game with all these people until 3-4 AM. And then I repeated that for a whole year. I also spend that time jogging and playing tennis. During that time, I invited an old online acquainted friend in the neighboring state to crash in my room for two weeks; he was poor, so he took the Greyhound.

Those cute pictures of my dog? The chicks dig them. This is the face of my dog when my mom bought him to the dorm because everyone wanted to see how much of a cute puppy he is (even though he was 7).

http://a1.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos- ... 9142_n.jpg

And that's his face after he ran into the girl's shower room and I had to drag him out, and the girl took a picture with her cellphone when she was wrapped in her towel.

There was a Halo 3 tournament that took place, because, well, Halo is the ****. Every dorm hall has a team and everyone expected to compete. Being the star of my dorm and being known as the game freak at the area soon have my dorm-mates to conspire to win by using me as their star player. I told them to win a tournament of 4v4 in Halo, you have to win as a team, unless the other team is just pure terrigartrash (terrible+garbage+trash).

Needless to say, I was a LV 50, and my friends? Probably LV 1. We played a team that had three LV 50 and like a LV 25 or something. Without a doubt, we were going to lose. That, apparently, didn't stop me from going 39 kills with my friends having 1 and 0 and 0. The first team to 50, default weapons on guardian, wins, so we lost. No amount of cheering from my dorm would had turn that game around. The game was close though, we were in the lead 39-38 until I died and everything went down hill, as expected.

After the game, those four kids came into our room and I was thinking to myself "I hope they're not mad," because the first thing they asked was "who was the kid that went 39 kills." Being asian, I said "It's me, what about?" and before I know it, they came to all shake my hand because they never see such a prodigy in gaming, at least, that's what they acted when they shook my hand. My friends were baffled because they were completely ignored.

When L4D first came out, I was stoked. I always wanted to take a gun and blast heads off from zombies and play with three other dudes (or chicks) who has the same fascination as I do since this was a completely original idea. So instead of being a loner and go buy the game myself, I ask a chick to tag along and made it into a date in the shitty local mall we have. Damn, being a nerd sure can be awesome.

There are plenty of more stories in my college days, but why did all this cool **** happen to me? Because I love video games. And using the fact that I like to play video games, I've made good use of it to connect with others.

Video game is fun, but without the socializing part of it, anything can be lifeless, which is why I offered that you should socialize more.

And I know you might not want to hear this, but if you truly find no meaning to what you do in anything, I'm afraid that qualifies as depression. Talking about it won't do much, see and talk to a doctor about it and start taking antidepressants. That's all I can offer about the lifelessness you have. It's either that or you have no motivation.

But hey, even though I'm afraid of heights and I'm scared shitless when this girl drags me to go ride the roller coaster with her. While contemplating, the background noise was filled with people screaming of little boys like in the movie threatre starring The Ring, I told her, "you're nuts, but since I only live once, let's go."

Think about it.

PS: I forgot to mention, now I live in a cubicle and I waste my life away at work and all my friends back in my home state are gone. What do I do now?

Find new friends. I have a girl whine to me about this boy doesn't blah blah blah and I told that bitch, "You can't replace the girl, but you can replace the vagina." She was piss, but it is true, the best times will forever be in your memories but you'll have to move on and find new memories to make that may or may not replace the best, but still good memories to make nonetheless. Find new friends, through online gaming and from society. A new online game means new online friends. A new hobby means new potential acquaintances means potential new friends. I hate alcohol and I've never gotten drunk and never will, but every time when a kitten jumps off a building and fails to land safely and kill itself, I might show up at a bar with a friend who is meeting up with other friends to expand my network while I drink non-alcoholic beverage, or a cocktail.

Old people are lonely people. Hook up with the old grandma. Not in a sick way. There's always that one grandma who wants to hook her granddaughter up with a hot guy. Why can't it be me?

Music therapy is a powerful tool, try using it effectively rather than listening to garbage. Before someone bust a nut on my face about "garbage music," let's talk about healthy food and junk food. It's the same idea. Healthy and meaningful music vs party/meaningless music. And when I say meaningful music, I'm not talking christian music. That genre can go kill itself.

Whatever you do, there's one thing I'm sure of: friends can make everything fun.

So do as you please. But whatever you do, just remember one thing from xeno, that you only live once.

Amen.

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Christian rock is the sh_t (literally).

I think boredom arises in people when they've felt like they overstayed their welcome, whether it be videogames or food.

One thing that I used to do was buy this big-*** bag of Shockerz candy (oh yeah). I'd wolf it down and I'd done this for about 3 weeks straight. One day I just puked halfway (rainbow vomit!) and the thrill of eating candy like that was gone.

I don't know you personally, LP, but one thing I'd do is probably take a break from games. Whenever I get bored of vidya games, I usually just walk outside. I love nature and I notice little bits and pieces of the enviornment I live in each time.

Forgive me if this sounds cliche but you shouldn't walk down the same path everday. If you vary your route, you'll discover the world around you and you open a new realm of possibilites.

Pretty much what Xeno said; make friends with people. I was similair to you a few years ago before MNC. Bored sh!tless playing Halo 3 (none of my friends had it) and barely socialising made me a "Zombie". Managed to make a few more friends IRL and on MNC has given me a much needed boost.

Curious, LP

How old are you if you don't mind me asking?

Ennui seems to be more apropos. Sorry to hear you are having a rough time of it.

To expand on what others have said recognize the big picture. The seemingly small things are not meaningless and will have larger consequences. Like Xenonox said, some of the better memories were from the seemingly small thing of playing video games, and it lead to a lot of great things.

Personally, I found that keeping a journal helped me appreciate the little things better. Whenever I had a moment where I thought wow, how did I get here? I could look back and read about the little events that I had taken for granted but that lead me to where I am today. Once I was able to see that everything was connected and would lead to greater things, that just because something was over that it was not meaningless, that I was moving towards a goal even though I didnt always realize it, when I stopped trying to have good moments and started trying to have a good life, I was much happier.

So, what gets me out of bed in the morning? The knowledge that getting out of bed is the next step to having an amazing life. Today might not be that amazing on its own, but understanding that it is a stepping stone helps me look forward to the day just the same.

You ever watch the show "How I Met Your Mother"? It is like that - you could just say "we met at a bar" or you can recognize all the little things that needed to happen along the way as the important and meaningful things that they are. (The show sucks now, but that was the basic premise behind it when it started).

All of our stories start the same. All of our stories end the same. The middle is the only part that we have any control over, so make that part of the story worth telling.

I don't mind, I'm 20.

That's exactly what I was thinking. I need a new hobby, at least right now anyway.

And no, it doesn't sound cliche, it's a heartfelt expression and I appreciate it (as cheesy as that may sound).

Xeno, (I'm not even gonna bother quoting that cuz.. wow.) Thanks. That entire post just made my day so much better, right down to the tiny details. It's a tough triangle between: sleep, grades, and a decent social life. You can only ever have two it seems but after reading all that, I'll make it work, somehow.

If you wrote a book full of this, I would buy it.

I've met many people who share the similar problem with organizing sleep, grades, and social life.

Personally, I'd sacrificed sleep for the other categories, and on the weekends I sleep in until 5 pm. I'd daresay most people would sacrifice sleep for the other categories in life, inexchange, you do burn out rather quickly after a year or two. It's completely up to you.

But one thing I would like to add about your social life is that the people around you might not be the people you want to be with. My second year in college in the dorm was filled with very idiotic people that just made me want to spill virgin blood out of my nostrils.

My man-loving friend, Alex, and I were sitting chatting away about how much of a nerd he is for playing WoW and that he needs to stop sexually harassing me because I don't like his pen rubbing against my paper when suddenly we got this cracker pop his head into my room and asking for math help. Naturally, I just ask what his MATH level was because that gets right to the point and he said it was like 051. MATH 051, that's some low level crap. So my man-loving friend, Alex, go ahead and says "Well I'm taking Calculus, but I think I will be able to help you." The cracker was dumbfounded, because apparently he has never heard of Calculus before, he goes ahead replies "Uhhh, well, don't worry about it, you wouldn't understand it anyway" and leaves the room. Those are his exact verbatim.

My man-loving friend was about to choke the **** out of me and throw me out the window after he dry humps me for a whole day even though I didn't do anything. I redirected his rage with tissue paper, because that's what man-loving friends love, tissue paper, as he rips it to shred with his eyelashes. MATH 261 to 263 apparently doesn't mean anything to Basic Mathematics or any form of business math.

Man-loving = gay, in case someone didn't get it.

What's my point?

Don't waste time with dumb friends.

The first year was great, but the second year, I soon began to look elsewhere. Since I'm asian, I joined the Hong Kong Something Association. All I know the abbreviation is HKSA. No, we're not talking about HSBC.

And I saw a lot of crackers there with asian fever, so you should totally find one and just participate and when someone ask you why you are here, just tell them that you're into hentai and you thought this was the right place to be.

If you don't got the guts to be a pervert like I am, tell them you're interested in East Asian Culture. That, or you have yellow fever.

Amen.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: That was actually pretty damn funny, loled at ripping tissue paper with his eyelashes

Hentai is from my country, not Xeno's.

I'm just reminding you guys.

Aren't you from the Philippines? :?

Yeah, you spick! :|

My mother is Japanese and my father is Filipino.

Uhakika, chochote. Wewe ni bado otaku na Wiener skinny.

Dumb.

Ninyi ni wajinga.