Jokes

Discussion in 'Unrelated Discussion' started by spazzdla, October 18, 2013.

  1. mkrater

    mkrater Uber Alumni

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    What's the noisiest sport?

    Tennis - you can't play unless you're raising a racquet!
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  2. patema

    patema Active Member

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  3. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    What do nuclear physicists have for lunch?
    Fission chips.
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  4. spazzdla

    spazzdla Active Member

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    Where does the snowman keep his money?

    In the snowbank.
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  5. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    Did you hear about that gang of mean pancakes? They like to flip people off.
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  6. spazzdla

    spazzdla Active Member

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    Q: how many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: none, that's a hardware problem
  7. Goldielocks

    Goldielocks Member

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    Lol this thread is great.
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  8. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    That's a terrible joke.
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  9. Goldielocks

    Goldielocks Member

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    Ok, how do you make a Kleenex dance?


    You put a little boogie in it.
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  10. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    Pfffft.

    There are ten types of people in the world; those who understand binary, and those who don't.
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  11. JammySTB

    JammySTB Well-Known Member

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    That joke only really works if you write "10", rather than "ten".
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  12. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    At least it works.

    OH SNAP.
  13. teju__

    teju__ Active Member

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    But this is already the 10nd time it is posted here.
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  14. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    Shhhhhh.
  15. spazzdla

    spazzdla Active Member

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    LOL, win.

    Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple
    Last edited: February 28, 2014
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  16. mkrater

    mkrater Uber Alumni

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    How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?

    When it's full!
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  17. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    How do you know when the moon is getting a makeover?

    When it's waxing!
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  18. arseface

    arseface Post Master General

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    Apparently this is a classic, but I just heard it yesterday.


    The Internal Revenue Service decides to audit Ralph, and summons him to an appointment with the toughest auditor in the office. The IRS auditor is not surprised when Ralph shows up with his attorney.

    The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that believable."

    "I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Ralph. "How about a demonstration?"
    The auditor thinks for a moment and says, "OK. Go ahead."
    Ralph says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye."
    The auditor thinks a moment and says, "No way! It's a bet."

    Ralph removes his glass eye and bites it.
    The auditor's jaw drops.

    Ralph says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."

    The auditor can tell Ralph isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
    Ralph removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
    The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Ralph's attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

    "Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between."

    The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there's no way this guy can manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
    Ralph stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach the wastebasket on other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
    The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Ralph's attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

    "Are you upset at losing the case?" the auditor asks. "Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, when Ralph told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me $20,000 that he could come in here and piss all over your desk -- and that you'd be happy about it!"
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  19. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    I'm going to try that one day.
  20. mkrater

    mkrater Uber Alumni

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    How did the bee try to hide his male pattern baldness?

    With a honeycomb over
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