So I was talking to a man who had a PhD in the intestinal and waste systems of cows. He was going on about his work when I stopped him and said "Your degree, is bullsh*t". The Bronze Age was the third-best age in history.
You know you've used a computer to long when: When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D... When after fooling around all day with routers etc, you pick up the phone and start dialing an IP number. When your wife says "If you don't turn off that darn machine and come to bed, then I am going to divorce you!", and you chastise her for for omitting the else clause.
The following joke is stolen from bash.org if you want to read more like it, I recommend visiting that site, it's hilarious. "The bishop entered my church today, he was a ******* impostor. He never once moved diagonally."
The Higgs Boson walks into the church and the priest says "You can't be in here! You're sacrilegious! The Higgs Boson replies "Ah, but without me, how can you have mass?". Argon walks into a bar, the bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses here!" Argon, doesn't react. The past, present and future all walk into a bar at the same time. IT WAS TENSE. I'm not sure if the glass is half empty or half full but the government assures me that it would be more empty if the opposition was in charge. Heisenberg is driving along the freeway and gets pulled over. The police officer says "Do you know how fast you were going!?" Heisenberg says "No idea, but I can tell you exactly where I was".
Vampires.... They Suck! As we haven't had it yet... A man walks into a bar... "Ouch"! Two fish swim into a wall, one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
What is the opposite of Christopher Walking? Cristopher Reeve. How do you circumsize a hillbilly? Punch his cousin in the jaw.
Why do seagulls live by the sea? Because if they lived by the bay they’d be bagels! My dog has no nose. So how does he smell? Awful. How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears? A buccaneer!
