Jokes

Discussion in 'Unrelated Discussion' started by spazzdla, October 18, 2013.

  1. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    I told a joke about deserts once, but all I got was a few dry laughs.
    stuart98 likes this.
  2. Devak

    Devak Post Master General

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    Nothing beats my jokes about incontinence. people keep pissing themselves!
    arseface and Geers like this.
  3. thetrophysystem

    thetrophysystem Post Master General

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    During a password audit for an company office, it was found that an employee was using the following record-breaking long password:

    "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

    When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and responded with the following:

    "Gluh, hello! It has to be at least 8 characters AND include at least one capital!"
    Remy561 and Geers like this.
  4. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    Why are calculus students so good at spotting fakes?

    They know how to differentiate.
  5. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    Did you hear about that new Scientology movie?

    I think it'll be a cult classic.
  6. Devak

    Devak Post Master General

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    Damn math students. They take so many jobs. They are detectives cause they can solve, are immigrants cause they can integrate, are the worst Lovers cause they multiply,
    thetrophysystem likes this.
  7. thetrophysystem

    thetrophysystem Post Master General

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    I will be the reason that pics are limited to 5 a post...
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    tunsel11 likes this.
  8. thetrophysystem

    thetrophysystem Post Master General

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    A blonde broke her laptop by feeding it to an office copy/fax machine.

    It was acting a little slow, so someone told her to scan her computer for viruses...
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  9. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    Ebola jokes often invoke infectious laughter.
  10. thetrophysystem

    thetrophysystem Post Master General

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  11. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    [​IMG]
  12. Devak

    Devak Post Master General

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    That... is strangely hypnotizing.
  13. mkrater

    mkrater Uber Alumni

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    Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They Drink. They Leave.

    A run on sentence walks into a bar it is thirsty.

    A synonym ambles into a pub.
  14. Devak

    Devak Post Master General

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    A group of fonts walk into a bar. ‘Get out of my pub!’ shouts the barman. ‘We don’t serve your type in here.’

    A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

    A man walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey. The bar man says "single?". The man says "no, i"m happily married, but curious"

    An Irishman walks out of a bar.........HEY! It could happen!
  15. patema

    patema Active Member

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  16. thetrophysystem

    thetrophysystem Post Master General

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    What about that backfiring Bill Cosby Meme thing? Anyone have any good ones for that? Or are these in bad taste? You know, I have a hard time knowing that sort of thing.
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  17. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    Is that a thing? Hell, is Bill Cosby still a thing? Didn't he stop being a thing around the same time saying "I have a colour tv" was becoming unimpressive?
  18. Devak

    Devak Post Master General

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    I thought referencing Cosby at all was the joke?
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  19. thetrophysystem

    thetrophysystem Post Master General

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    A man walks into a bank in New York City, and requests a 5,000 loan to attend a festival in Europe for 2 weeks. He declined a credit check. They apologized but requested some form of collateral. He presented them with the keys to a new Ferrari, parked outside, title and everything. Everything checked out, and the loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

    Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the guy who used a $250,000 Ferrari a collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.

    Two weeks later, the man returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled... While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you have an impeckable credit history and are a highly sophisticated investor and multi-millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000 and decline to a credit check and even offer a 250,000 ferrari as collateral?"

    The man replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"
    xankar, Remy561, arseface and 4 others like this.
  20. Geers

    Geers Post Master General

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    Why did the man open a petrol station after eating baked beans?

    He was full of gas.
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